Insecurity is a big BIG term and an even bigger problem. Insecure people are not bad people who are trying to mess you up, they are actually really scared and jumpy people. If you look closely, insecurity is something which can be easily spotted. Here are a few things that describe what an insecure person is like:
Control freaks- They want to be in charge. Not only of your relationship but your life as well. They are always afraid that something would go wrong and so they tend to plan out everything, even little insignificant details and expect you to follow them point to point (they need to know every detail of your schedule as well; where you went, where you plan to go and basically everything). Even one sign from your side, that says that you are not interested in their planned-out lifestyle, will make them go from control freak to ‘scared-the-hell-out-of-their-senses’ kinda people for they are scared of pissing your off.
Your opinions weigh, wayyy more than theirs’s- Even though they are control freaks and want things to go their way, they don’t want to move without your opinions. They would ask for your permission for even the smallest and most insignificant (like which toothbrush you think is right for them) of things for they cannot even take the thought of rejection.
A life without drama is not possible- Things cannot be good for a long time. Insecurity is not something that people are born with. Something must have happened in your partner’s life if they act insecure all the time and this ‘past’ is what scares them. Maybe things have never been right for them and so even when everything is going smoothly, they cannot help but feel suspicious and doubtful about the current peace. They don’t live in their present. They live in their troubled past and unsure future.
They break under criticism- An insecure person does not think very highly of themselves; that is why they are insecure in the first place. They are already multiplying their mistakes or flaws tenfold and then punishing themselves internally by practically trying to become everything you need. When such a person receives any complaints from someone they are trying so hard to keep, these people tend to completely break down. Criticizing insecure people can be very damaging to these people.
They always have a mask on- While meeting other people who are close to you or many a times even with you, these people tend to put up a mask that says “Everything is alright and I am fine.” They might be struggling with some complaints, ideas or anything but they will try their best to not get that past them so as to not to bother you or your close people. They want to impress everyone and that is really not possible if you are yourself (after you just cannot impress everyone) and so they put up a show to achieve their objective.
No space- They want you whole for themselves and that to for the whole day! They don’t understand the concept of space. Wanting for space, for them, is like asking for a break from the whole relationship. They might feel that they are bothering you in some way or that maybe you were never serious to begin with. They would exaggerate the whole scenario in their own little heads.
In short, you can think of an insecure person as a little kid who wants to be pampered yet not look spoiled. It might be difficult to handle such a person but if this person really loves you and if you love them back equally then all you need is some patience and understanding. They are insecure but not total idiots. Slowly they will start to understand your points and stop mixing their past with their present.