There is no textbook for building a strong family. Often it can seem like some people are simply blessed. But the fact is, it’s not down to luck, or that couples avoid splitting up to maintain a strong family unit, there are certain building blocks needed for a happy and healthy family. We present the elements of what it takes. 

• Build in quality time 

Spending quality time with your children translates to love in their eyes. However, busy lives mean finding time for family is challenging and we cannot spend every moment with our children. Although it may seem obvious to you that you have an important work meeting, the boiler is broken or you are simply tired, it’s not obvious to children who have a different concept of time. Set aside special time when you are less committed and invest your undivided attention. Whether it’s playing board games, watching a family movie or going to the park, spending dedicated time with your family is known to support good mental health for everyone.

• Role modelling

Role modelling is a well-known and powerful theory. Your behaviour is mirrored by your children as they grow up without you even realising the impact you are having. If they see someone who is respectful, honest, and confident, they are likely to imitate this behaviour. Ensure you are setting examples of how you resolve issues of conflict, how you make your voice heard, and how you speak to new people and avoid toxicity. All these behaviours will help them negotiate their own lives well and have happy relations with others in the future. You should make sure that whatever you are telling your children, you are role modelling too. 

• Create a positive environment 

An encouraging home is one where we speak to children as we would like to be spoken to ourselves. One where we respect and value children’s contributions and focus on the positives rather than the negatives. This encourages children to subconsciously be the best version of themselves, without realising it – surely the strongest means of getting the message across. 

• Deal well with conflict 

Dealing with conflict is an unavoidable part of life. Although it sounds negative, showing and helping children how to handle adversity, and differences of opinion can go a long way in creating a more harmonious family life. Avoiding conflict is also detrimental and can teach children to shy away from finding solutions and discovering greater intimacy in personal relationships and friendships. Teach your children to look at why there is conflict, sit down and discuss what is at the heart of the problem and ask them to question their own contribution to the conflict. Getting angry or apportioning blame is an unhealthy approach, instead teach your children to understand why they or someone else is angry. This helps lead young people into forming stronger relationships in the future. 

• Communicate well 

Talking is a useful communication tool that, when executed well, helps people to convey feelings articulately and effectively. Learning how to voice opinions from a young age will help your children to form a good foundation for communicating well as an adult. Knowing how to express yourself well in the family home through regular talking will bode well in the future. 

• Making mealtimes family times 

A good time to communicate is family mealtimes. Talking about what has happened in your day, what events occurred that you are happy or sad about will have surprising long-lasting effects. Eating together can help build self-esteem, encourage resilience, and sometimes improve academic performance. Try to eat together as regularly as you can.