Elder Daughter Syndrome

In Indian families, the concept of culture and family bondings are so deeply rooted, that when it comes to mental health, “therapy” does not fit the picture. These days, the internet is filled with a new trend going on Instagram, which is known as the Elder Daughter Syndrome. Here, through the means of videos, women all over the world are discussing the problems that they had to face being the eldest child, and that too a woman. These women claim that they are provided with a totally unique set of responsibilities which makes their childhood very difficult and their teenage years full of mistakes. And by the time they cross eighteen, they somehow have a solution to every problem. 

Symptoms of Elder Daughter Syndrome

The symptoms of this syndrome are people pleasing behaviour, extreme familial responsibilities, over achiever with extreme anxiety, unable to draw boundaries, and difficulties in maintaining long term relationships.  Being the eldest daughter often means you are the designated caretaker. From an early age, you might have found yourself playing the role of a mini-mom, making sure your younger siblings don’t eat crayons or run with scissors. In fact, many eldest daughters have reported feeling like they were handed the keys to the family car (metaphorically speaking) at a tender age, tasked with navigating the chaotic world of sibling dynamics while still trying to figure out their own identity. In Indian households, elder daughters listen to one thing the most and i.e. “Badi Behen Maa jesi hoti hai”.

Did you ever wonder why your younger siblings seem to have it easy? Spoiler alert: it’s because you were doing their chores while they were busy perfecting their video game skills. 

You’ve likely been the family therapist, listening to your parents’ woes or your siblings’ drama while trying to maintain your own sanity. Who knew that being an eldest daughter came with a side of free therapy? 

Perks of Being the First Born 

Many times the internet is even filled with questions like, Are you an elder daughter or are you happy ? Because you cannot be both !! Such questions make them believe that these women are not alone and almost all of them go through the same phase. Despite the overwhelming responsibilities, there are some perks that come with being the eldest daughter. Research suggests that firstborn girls often develop impressive leadership skills and tend to succeed more than their siblings in various endeavors. You might even find yourself running meetings at work or organizing family events like a pro. 

Your ability to juggle schedules and responsibilities could rival a seasoned project manager. Just don’t be surprised if your friends start asking you to plan their weddings! Studies indicate that firstborn daughters often mature faster than their siblings. While this might mean you’ve had to grow up quickly, it also means you’re well-equipped to handle adulting—at least most of the time. 

However, with great power comes great responsibility—and sometimes great anxiety. Many eldest daughters grapple with perfectionism and feel an immense pressure to meet expectations. You may find yourself constantly striving for unattainable standards, leading to a never-ending cycle of stress. Remember, it’s okay not to have everything figured out by 25 (or 35). Setting boundaries can feel like climbing Mount Everest. You’re so used to being the go-to person that saying “no” feels like a foreign concept.

So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Being an eldest daughter is like being part of an exclusive club where everyone understands your struggles and triumphs. Embrace your role as the family CEO, but remember that it’s okay to step back and let others take charge once in a while. In the end, whether you’re organizing family gatherings or navigating adult life, remember that your experiences as an eldest daughter have shaped you into a resilient individual—one who can handle anything life throws her way (even if it involves cleaning up after younger siblings). So go ahead and wear that “Eldest Daughter” badge with pride!