By Subroto Mukherjee

I was born in a secret bio-weapons lab somewhere in Asia. Ah-ha, guess exactly where? Lived in test-tube. Hated it. No privacy. Blokes (in bio-hazard suits) spying on me all the time. Sneaking a peek at me down the microscope. So escaped. Roamed around. Got close to lots of people. Intimately, physically close. After all, who could resist my charms? It was contagious!

Felt the need to see more, do more. So took off on a world tour. Flu — er — flew around globally at a feverish pace. Touched a great many lives the world over. With great warmth!

I even ended up in bed with certain hotshot celebs. I swear, when down with a fever, they can be (ooh la la) pretty HOT in bed! Putting famous folk in bed, that was nothing. I put this whole, blessed planet on hold. Of course, for a good cause. Gave all humanity a break, a rest, a holiday.

Gave them cause for pause, pause to rethink and reset their values and priorities. And they thanked me. By DAMNING me to hell! See what you get? For trying to do some good in this world?

Anyway, you know how it is? Sooner or later, all good things must come to an end. So will I. But who knows? Like in films, there could be a sequel and I could return, you know. You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I bet you would.

So, until we meet again, bye-bye. Take care. Take real good care. You deserve it.