How Indian Society Forces Girls To Give Up On Their Dreams And ‘Settle Down’
By Stuti Rastogi
Standing and watching my best friend taking saat phere (seven circumambulations or seven vows) on her wedding day with her groom, all I could think of was her dream of pursuing a career in animation and how all her dreams were getting succumbed to the holy fire of her wedding ceremony. Of course, I was happy for her, but this particular incident embossed a print on my mind.
Why do women’s dreams often come with an expiry tag? Transforming the dreams into a reality often demands a lot of sacrifices, time, monetary resources and support. This is common for both genders but then why don’t men stop chasing their dreams as rapidly as women do? The patriarchal society always asks the women to bend to the will of the dreams of people surrounding her. Women are expected to aspire to marriage as it is the most important but we don’t teach men the same. Women are expected to shrink their ambitions and goals but we don’t ask men to do the same. In India, the term ‘settling down’ is associated with marriage and the woman is considered accomplished if she has happily settled down at the ‘right age’. The right age for Indian girls lies between the early 20’s to the mid 20’s and if she musters the courage to stand up for her dreams and crosses the ‘right age’ category, she is condemned to pity by society.
The most common reasons why women give up their goals are- Parents too old and scared, Lack of financial and moral support, The conservative mindset of the family and society, Her goals are not considered meaningful and realistic, Fear of ending up alone, Social stigmas revolving around her skin tone, body shape, age etc. which silently kills her self esteem and pushes her to pursue the married life. What is even more surprising is our society does not respect the choices and boundaries of an unmarried woman or a single mother.
In order to let women excel in true sense, society needs to shift its perspective that being “Happy and unmarried” is much better than being “Depressed and married”. It is also important for the parents to raise and treat their sons and daughters equally. What is even more significant is believing in the dreams of women and supporting them morally, if not financially because moral support is just as meaningful as material support.
