How Much ‘Action In Bed’ Should Couples Really Be Having? Experts Say…

Sex remains a complicated—and often touchy—subject, regardless of your relationship status. While few people like to admit it, people across all demographics are spending less time in the sack.

For couples who live together, married couples, and older individuals in general, the decline in sexual activity is even more pronounced, according to a 2019 study of British adults and teens.

But how much sex should couples really be having? Research has shown that couples who have sex at least once a week are happier than their less-bedded counterparts.

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Still, that number doesn’t apply to everyone. Ultimately, experts say the frequency of sex a couple should have depends on the couple itself.

How Much Sex Is Good For A Couple?

Once a week is a common baseline, experts say. This statistic varies slightly by age: 40- and 50-year-olds tend to fall around this baseline, while 20- to 30-year-olds average around twice a week.

However, Dr Peter Kanaris, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist based in Smithtown, New York, warns that couples shouldn’t rely on the average as a metric for their own sex lives. He’s seen couples across the sex spectrum, from those who have little to no sex to couples who engage in sexual activity 12 to 14 times a week.

“What’s actually more important than for couples to get caught up in some statistical norm to match themselves to is to look at this from a perspective of sexual satisfaction,” he told USA TODAY. “If a couple is sexually satisfied, then that’s the goal.”

Dr. Linda De Villers, a sex therapist and adjunct professor of psychology and education at Pepperdine, agrees.

“There’s a certain amount of motivation to feel normal, whatever that means,” she told USA TODAY. “You should be sexual as often as both you and your partner feel good. If you can say it was satisfying and fulfilling, that’s how often you should be sexual.”

Should you be planning sex?

Despite the prevailing idea that sex is spontaneous and fueled by sudden desire, sex should be planned, De Villers says.

“If people have kids or commitments, it’s really helpful to have some planned sex,” she said. “If you don’t have planned sex, you’re much more likely to have no sex.”

Besides, she points out that most sex is planned anyway. For instance, before you go on a date, you make yourself presentable to a prospective partner.

“You had planned sex,” she joked. “The evening usually culminates at a certain point, and you knew damn well it would.”

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Sexual frequency varies widely among couples, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The key is sexual satisfaction and communication between partners. Whether planning sex or letting spontaneity take over, the most important thing is that both partners feel fulfilled and happy.