Love Is Not Enough: Scarcity Of Love In Married Life
By: Dr. Sanjay Teotia
Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, in other words, love is what one feels, Love should be seen not as a feeling but as an enacted emotion. To love is to feel and act lovingly. People who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person’s pain as their own and being willing to sacrifice anything for the other person. Love means to be deeply committed and connected to someone or something. The basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking someone. It is a bond that two people share. There are a few things you need to avoid when building a new relationship like being too demanding.
According to psychology, if you find yourself abandoning usual activities or feeling unusually optimistic, you might be falling in love. Falling in love is one of the strangest and most wonderful things a human being can experience. And while it’s different for everyone, there are some common thoughts and feelings that can help people identify when it’s happening. You might be experiencing one of the obvious indicators like not being able to think about anyone or anything else but that person or the signs could be more obfuscated. Whatever it may be, there’s no doubt that falling in love in today’s labyrinthine dating landscape is complicated.
In a bid to simplify things a little, psychologists identify some of the clear signs that you might be falling in love with someone like you can’t stop staring at them, you abandon your usual activities, you don’t mind when they do something unattractive, time flies when you are together, you feel unusually optimistic, you want to touch and kiss them, you always think about them, you want them to be happy, falling in love can warp your sense of reality a little. It is likely that if you feel deeply in love with someone, then you will have a somewhat unrealistic view of who they are and how they present themselves.
So whilst you might be inclined to be critical of someone else doing or saying something if your partner does or says them. You might love them for it because, in your eyes, they can do no wrong. Basically, scarcity of love looks like these words person use as I will never find anyone, I am too old now, all men seem to be looking for younger women, everyone seems to behave so badly online, I can’t cope with getting another dick picture, and I don’t want to go through that pain again. An unhappy or loveless marriage chronically feels bad. It’s like a cold that lingers, leaving you drained and vulnerable. Scarcity of love in married life can cause constantly criticizing your partner we all get cranky. But you need to determine if your frustration is stemming from an actual lack of respect for your plus one or if you are just having a bad day.
If you find yourself using terms like never and always as in you never help me clean or you always forget to help, you are not just criticizing your partner, you are assassinating their character. Couples who have unresolved, persistent conflict and a pattern of low-grade hostility even when they are not fighting, quickly stop viewing the other person as a source of comfort, support, or partnership. They stop treating each other like friends, planning fun things, confiding in each other, sharing their feelings, or even talking about their day.
They pull back often due to a (realistic) fear of being rejected or attacked if they are too vulnerable. When you respond to each other with sarcasm, your marriage might be in trouble, contempt usually stems from a relationship rupture, infidelity, secrecy, or another transgression. Contempt is hard to come back from. It’s not ethical to behave in hurtful, cruel ways with your partner and you should not be treated that way either.
If you are willing to work through the issue that’s at the root of this disgust, there’s hope. But remember, you can’t cure contempt without discovering what started it. Once respect is gone, you lose the foundation to rebuild your relationship. It is possible to be happy in a loveless marriage. After all, marriage is about family and not just your partner. A person’s happiness is not tied to a single person, it never was and it never is. If there is one person in the world who is responsible for your happiness, it’s you. Also, if two lies down together, they will keep warm. However, while love can be a powerful force in a relationship, it should go without saying that love is not the only force behind a successful marriage, as there a multitude of factors involved in it.
Aromatic people, also known as aro, don’t develop romantic attractions for other people. Romantic people do form strong bonds and have loving relationships that have nothing to do with romance. You no longer desire to spend any time together, do not dress up or try to look nice for your spouse, and genuinely are not concerned with your spouse’s life. Your marriage should be a partnership. You are taking on the world together, making decisions together, and always have each other’s back. Happy marriages are difficult to maintain and a woman can fall out of love with her husband.
It’s difficult for a couple to maintain the level of excitement felt when they first met once they are sharing their lives day in and day out. Add to the monotony of daily life, marriage stressors, and a lack of skills for dealing with the stress and a wife can lose those loving feelings toward her husband. Not only is communication important in maintaining a bond with each other, how you communicate will determine how strong of a bond. The way a couple communicates is as important as the ability to communicate. Despite how happily they started as a couple, the pair was more than likely hiding a continuous cycle of unhappiness within their relationship. After striving to keep all their troubles hidden just below the surface for far too long, they felt that separation was their only option. This is not unusual at all. Many couples struggle to maintain happy relationships but without the right tools their attempts at doing so can become futile and marriages still fall apart.
Often couples lack alignment on the things that matter most and feel like their own personal goals or feelings are the most important ones to focus on. It is easy to get lost in your perspective and fail to see your partner’s viewpoint on the important things, causing them to feel like they are not valued. Every person has unique needs they hope their partner will fulfill. But sometimes couples fail to speak up about those needs or presume their partner’s needs are the same as their own, often leaving their significant other feelings alienated.
Letting disconnect become the norm, this is when couples start to say things like I love you but I am no longer in love with you. This should be seen as a call to action but more often than not couples seem to find this to be a final resting place, whether in divorce or mutual unhappiness. When you start to forgo sex, your intimacy and the resulting connection is going to start to drift apart. It is important to see this aspect of your relationship as just as much of a priority as any other and put in the effort to make a positive change. Even if there is a sense of disinterest or apathy, the effort can take the form of scheduling sex or giving maintenance sex a try.
What can you do when you’re happy marriage feels miserable? Find a little perspective; focus on why you fell in love with your partner and what you want your life as a couple to become. Even better, tell your partner this without any expectations of them doing the same. Loveless marriages usually have sex life exciting but not romantic. Deciding to leave a marriage is scary. There’s often a deep fear of being alone, not to mention the possibility of an unknown future. Many stick with mediocrity settling for low-level pain and dissatisfaction instead.
But that’s not your best bet, staying in a seriously unhappy marriage can have long-term effects on our mental and emotional health. People in bad marriages usually have low self-esteem, struggle with anxiety and depression and have a higher rate of illness than those who don’t. People feel sad and grieve when they decide to let go but people who divorce do recover emotionally and most find new relationships. One warning sign would be that your relationship is sexless or if you are having sex less than ten times a year. After all, it’s an intimacy that separates a romantic relationship from all other sorts of relationships you might have.
When that’s going out the window, it’s a really big red flag. A lack of visible physical affection like kissing or hugging is also indicative of a real problem. If you often imagine a happy future without your partner, that’s a major sign that things are not right. This is a part of the emotional detachment process, during which you may try to convince yourself that you don’t care anymore so that the eventual separation feels less painful. Detaching psychologically by fantasizing about having an affair or making plans for the future that don’t include your partner can all be signs that you have fallen out of love.