By: Dr. Prempal Singh ‘Valyan’
Whether a known or unknown partner one always faces the jitters and anxiety when they are taking things to another level. We tell you how to ease yourself into lovemaking act.
Love Overtures
Maybe you’ve known the man since primary school or perhaps he’s someone you just met at a party. Either way., the chemistry between you is crackling, filling the air with sexual tension, lovely anticipation, and the delicious confusion of wondering if this encounter will (or should) be concluded by making love. The flirtatious fun leading to a lover’s embrace requires that both parties send the right signals to each other and then correctly interpret the code. Body language helps translate amorous messages. The setting may be as mundane as a bus stop or a laundry room, but if your bodies are moving closer and closer and a velvety gaze blankets your glances, you’re communicating more than a mutual interest in cold-water washing.
We also speak of sex to one another through the language of touch. The interplay of fingers, a soft brush of the shoulder, the straightening of a tie, or the ruffling of his hair – all these say more than the flirtiest words. Then comes the response. The individual who reciprocates or sighs when stroked indicates that overtures are welcome, while the man or woman who shrinks abruptly away is declining an advance.
After the first flush of sexual desire, people ought to let a little time pass before declaring their intentions. Flirt time heightens the aura of romance and spares embarrassment should you have misread the situation. He may just like you, so you need to dip slowly into each other’s personality to know if positive vibrations are explicitly sexual. Should you feel uncomfortable or edgy now, feeling perhaps that kisses may be enough, then don’t hesitate to postpone any more serious embrace. Never feel you must proceed because you’ve given him a tacit go-ahead.
A sincere and affectionate “Let’s not rush into things. I’d rather we knew each other better”, is all you need say. To go through with it out of a sense of duty, courtesy, or the fear that if you don’t, you’ll never see the man again, is always a mistake. If a first rendezvous takes place at your flat, you’ve certain advantages. You’re in charge of the lighting, music and the wine, you know how to shine in your environment, and you won’t have to hunt around for mouthwash or moisturiser.
Still, another potentially awkward exercise awaits you – getting undressed. Occasionally, a new lover might suggest undressing you or that you undress him. This can be lovely if you’re not encased in a snare of buttons, zippers, and boot laces. A fairly graceful way to slip out of your clothes is to excuse yourself and take a shower. Warmth, interest, and a sincere appreciation of him are more important (and certainly less threatening) than a series of R-rated stunts. Just being there for a man – wholeheartedly, enthusiastically, and receptively – can make him feel more secure and loving than the gaudiest display of eroticism pyrotechnics.
Sometimes the first sexual meeting can result in a breath-taking explosion; more often, though, the event is marked by a certain awkwardness that will resolve itself with time and familiarity. And occasionally, you realize all the tricks in the Kama Sutra won’t make the two of you fizz. Even if the experience is deeply disappointing, be gracious as you slip out of his arms. Not everyone is sexually compatible and if he has other endearing qualities, he might make a good friend.