Gambling is an exciting activity enjoyed by millions of people worldwide, including Kiwis. It’s a pastime that can be both thrilling and rewarding but also risky if you’re not careful. One of the best ways to enjoy gambling is by keeping a sense of humour, and what better way to do that than by sharing some of the funniest gambling quotes ever said?
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In this article, we’ve compiled 45 funny gambling quotes that will make you chuckle, whether you’re an experienced gambler or just starting. So, without further ado, let’s dive into the list.
44 funniest gambling quotes
- “I’ve been playing poker for a living for ten years now, and I still suck at it.” — Mike Sexton
- “The only way to win at gambling is to be born lucky.” — Eric Weiss
- “A dollar won is twice as sweet as a dollar earned.” — Paul Newman
- “If you’re playing a poker game, and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.” — Paul Newman
- “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” — Will Rogers
- “You can’t win at gambling, but you can lose slower.” — Anonymous
- “I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semicircle.” — Mitch Hedberg
- “The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.” — Heywood Broun
- “I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn’t come in until half-past five.” — Henny Youngman
- “The best bet for a player is to act like an idiot in front of a maniac.” — Doyle Brunson
- “Aces are larger than life and greater than mountains.” — Mike Caro
- “The only difference between a winner and a loser in a casino is that the winner knows when to quit.” — Anonymous
- “A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It’s usually three or more times.” — Terrence “VP Pappy” Murphy
- “I spent all my money on gambling, alcohol, and women. The rest I wasted.” — WC Fields
- “The worst thing that can happen to a gambler is to win.” — Anonymous
- “When your opponent is betting heavily, it’s best to sit back and let him do the work for you.” — Anonymous
- “If you’re playing a game, and you’re not winning, it’s time to switch games.” — Anonymous
- “The problem with winning at gambling is that a minute later, you’re bored and broke.” — Anonymous
- “The house always wins. Unless, of course, you’re the house.” — Anonymous
- “The difference between gambling and business is that in business, you have to know what you’re doing.” — Anonymous
- “I have terrible luck at gambling, but I always seem to have great luck with the opposite sex.” — Anonymous
- “The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.” — Bret Harte
- “Gambling is legal, and betting is legal, for what I bet.” — Michael Jordan
- “Blackjack is the only game where you can beat the house if you know what you’re doing.” — Anonymous
- “Quit while you’re ahead. All the best gamblers do.” — Baltasar Gracian
- “The world is like a reverse casino. If you gamble long enough in a casino, you will certainly lose. But in the real world, where the only thing you’re gambling is, say, your time or your embarrassment, then the more stuff you do, the more you give luck a chance to find you.” — Scott Adams
- “The house doesn’t beat the player. It just allows him to beat himself.” — Nick Dandalos
- “In gambling, the many must lose so that the few may win.” — George Bernard Shaw
- “Gambling is not about how well you play the games; it’s really about how well you handle your money.” — V.P. Pappy
- “The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavour upon the business known as gambling.” — Ambrose Bierce
- “Gambling is the great leveller. All men are equal in cards.” — Nikolai Gogol
- “Trust everyone, but always cut the cards.” — Benny Binion
- “Gambling is the sure way of getting nothing for something.” — Wilson Mizner
- “The world is a casino, and life is a bet.” — J. Maarten Troost
- “There is no gambling like politics.” — Benjamin Disraeli
- “Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks—it says, Goodbye.” — Frank Sinatra
- “Gambling is like love; it requires luck and a little bit of skill.” — Anonymous
- “Gambling operates under the premise that greed can be satisfied by luck.” — Rita Mae Brown
- “Life is like a game of poker. You have to play the hand you’re dealt. Take risks, bluff, and hope you don’t get called.” — Chris Moneymaker
- “Gambling is a disease of barbarians, superficially civilised.” — Dean Inge
- “The difference between poker and stocks is that poker is always fun, even when you’re losing.” — Anonymous
- “The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won’t admit he played badly.” — Kevin Spacey
- “When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money, and the man with money leaves with experience.” — Suraj Dahal
- “Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people.” — W.C. Fields
Ending thoughts
These 44 funny gambling quotes show us that there is always a lighter side to every experience, even gambling. However, we should never forget that gambling can be risky and approach it cautiously. Nonetheless, if you are a new gambler, you might be interested in the top $10 deposit bonus in NZ for New Zealand players. And if you are looking to get good at gambling, you might want to check out our tips for playing slots and card games on Casinority NZ. Gambling can be a fun experience if we approach it with the right mindset, and these funny quotes remind us of that.