Lifestyle

The Agony and Ecstasy of a Teenager

By Himanshu Yadav

June 13, 2023

BY: Sujatha Rao

According to an article by UNICEF, India has the largest population of adolescents in the world, being home to 243 million individuals aged 10-19 years.  

While the promise and potential of the nation lie in these youthful human resources, this situation also comes with an onerous responsibility on the part of the state and parents/guardians to collectively nurture and harness this potential towards fruition. 

This task seems to be easier said than done as adolescence is a very vulnerable period in anyone’s life. In this connection, it’s apt to quote the following lines from the movie “Chemical Hearts,” released in 2020:

“You are never more alive than when you’re a teenager. Your brain is flushed with chemicals that can turn your life into a story of epic proportions. A-minus feels like the Pulitzer, a lonely Saturday night is an eternity of solitude, and your lab partner becomes the great love of your life.”

Indeed, the intensity of pleasure and pain with which life is lived during this phase is unparalleled in one’s life, since it happens to be a phase of many firsts – the first time one wakes up to the ecstasy of the first love, the agony of the first heartache, the confusion of puberty and maybe for some of the teenagers the mixed feelings of the first intercourse experience. 

With all the chemicals firing off in the brain, it’s also a phase when one is trying to figure out who one really is while transitioning from a girl into a woman or from a boy into a man. 

As one navigates through so many uncharted territories for the very first time, along with the unbridled joy one experience, its small wonder then that one also goes through the highest level of anxiety, nervousness, and even depression at times during this phase, since one is not yet mature enough to handle all this emotional turmoil.

Sometime back when I happened to mention to a venting mother of a teenager that teenager is one of the most difficult phases in one’s life, she retorted back in frustration asking “for whom – for the parents or for the teenager?” This question of hers sums up the overall trauma associated with teenagers in general, both for the teenager and to the close family members of that teenager. 

Why is it so challenging?

While wading through the teenage years had always been a difficult task for biological and other reasons, it has become even more challenging in the present times. Some of the major reasons for this are: 

The following 2019 data from Nielson shows India’s internet usage to be second only to China. 

At 31% usage by the pre-teens and teens, a large part of which is most likely spent on various kinds of social media platforms, the addiction seems poised to reach pandemic levels soon.  

What can we do?

Against this backdrop, the following tips are aimed at helping us overcome some of these challenges.

Keep the lines of communication humming? Sitting down for a formal “heart to heart” chat can be quite anxiety-provoking. Hence, as a parent, it helps to have casual conversations with your teen and never let the communication lines between you both dry up. 

While you are at it, please watch out for those tell-tale signs of disturbance, if any, including social withdrawal, mood swings, changes in routine, personality changes, talk of suicide, etc. If you think it’s warranted, do seek professional help immediately.

Unfortunately, mental health issues at such a young age are not something that can be brushed away lightly. As per a factsheet published in 2020 by the World Health Organisation, suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-19-year-olds globally.

Make room for some family rituals involving everyone in the family. It could be anything of interest to both the teen and you. These rituals go a long way in establishing a strong bond between you and you’re teen. 

The sooner you help your child develop a hobby the better. For this, the work can start soon after the child’s toddler days. However, it’s never too late to start one. 

Failures of individuals are often buffered by belief in being part of a much larger whole. Developing core interests in serious hobbies, philanthropic work, religion, etc., are some of the best examples that help us to be part of something larger than life.

Children learn more from what you “do” and “how you behave” rather than “what you say”. For instance, if you are asking your teen to practice better cleanliness, it won’t cut the ice with him or her, if you happen to be a messy and untidy person.

Teens are adults in the making and they want to feel like individuals with special and unique qualities that the parents appreciate regardless of how their sibling is so much better at academics or that second cousin is so very obedient. Comparing with others alienates them and makes them even more adamant in continuing with their annoying behavior if any. 

Celebrate small wins with the teen and indulge him or her even when that area in which he or she excels doesn’t seem too important to you. 

The biggest put off for the present generation is their having to listen to those long-winded sermons, especially those that start with “hamaare zamaanein me”. Times have changed and there is very little that the teen connects with your earlier world. It’s you as a parent who has to get to know his/her world and act with empathy.

The parental role is restricted to providing support and love. The issues of the teen by and large are to be resolved by himself or herself. As parents, we need to assure the teen that we are there to lend moral support with a shoulder to lean on anytime he or she needs the same.

Conclusion

In the ultimate reckoning, teenage is one of the most beautiful and intense periods in one’s life. In her song “Am not a girl and not yet a woman,” Britney Spears wonderfully ruminates over this “in-between” phase. Let’s act with empathy and help the teens find “a few moments in time and space” that’s their very own during this phase, as they forge their way into adulthood.