Toxic Masculinity And Male Insecurities; Pressure Of Being A Complete Man

When it comes to insecurity in relationships, everything is unidirectional. Both society and women tend to view things from a single perspective. True that women are too afraid of how men would respond to their tiny imperfections and realities. But doesn’t it work in the opposite direction too? Don’t you think that your man has certain things which make him feel insecure?

We are well familiar with the term ‘Toxic Masculinity. Toxic masculinity and male insecurities are deeply interconnected. But before discussing how they link with each other, let’s talk a bit about toxic masculinity. Even though the term is thrown around a lot recently, most of us are unaware of what it really means. To put simply into words, toxic masculinity is a mental state where men are constantly forced to think, talk, look and behave in a socially constructed pattern.

Under toxic masculinity, a man enjoys gender privilege over other gender identities. Man can expose his hairy legs without a second thought. No one would ever troll him for his unshaved underarms. Because it is normal and an inevitable factor of ‘masculinity’. He can show off his abs, no one would dare to type ‘sexy’ in his comment box.

He should be emotionally strong. This implies that he can cry alone in dark, but not in front of others. He should equip himself to hide the tears. If at all he fails, he should soon find a pillar to hide by or carry a cooling glass (refer to Indian cinemas for doubts).

A man should have a mustache, more good if he has a beard. He should be physically well built. Having long hair was not earlier acceptable as per toxic masculinity guidelines, but with years, the trend has changed. He should be tall too. Most importantly, he should be intelligent than women.

Arrears, passion, higher studies; leave them all behind. An idol man should be financially independent. He should take up the burden of family expenses. Mentally prepared or not, he should marry and have children. This is where his potency is tested and this makes him a ‘complete man’. He should pass his lessons to upcoming generations and die like a man.

Hope you understood what it is to become toxic masculine. Anything against those guidelines will make a man emasculated. He will devalue the self and move to a phase where he feels insecure, especially in his relationships. We, meaning both men and women were hesitant to watch the Bollywood romantic comedy ‘Ki & Ka’. The unconventional tale where Kabir opts to be a househusband and Kia a working professional triggered our minds.

Dear women, let your man cry, cook, and clean. Let him make mistakes and learn. Make him pause and pursue his passions. Let him look short, stout, and bald. Don’t let him lose the kid in him amidst the chaos.

Let him be a real human than a complete man. Let’s break the conventions and find balance.

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