What makes a man?

When someone asks this question to a woman, the answers are vastly different from how a man would answer this question. Women talk about a man who can protect them, speak up for them and go out and be independent in how he earns his money. She will talk about a man who will be there for his children, honour his family and throw in chopping wood occasionally. You know, for aesthetics.

Men have all of this on their lists, but they also mention being able to perform in the bedroom. It’s common knowledge that “locker room talk” often includes sexual prowess, and men who are unable to get their erection in the moment for ANY reason, put themselves down as not being manly enough, good enough or worthy enough for their partner. Of course, none of this is actually true, but it can sure feel that way when the person in question is unable to get or maintain an erection. There is a lot of confidence in a man tied to whether he is able to satisfy a woman (or another man!), and when erectile dysfunction becomes more common in the relationship than before, it can be a terrible knock to the self-esteem. 

Gents, it’s time to get out of your own head here and listen when we tell you that this is a common problem – it’s just that no one will talk about it!

The Worst Kept Secret

Many men go through periods in life where they are unable to get an erection without the help of drugs such as Sildenafil. Sex is so much more than a physical act, but before you roll your eyes, hear us out! Sex for many people is emotional and with the right partner, it’s all about what’s in the mind. If you are too much in your own head about “performance”, then you’re likely to get cold feet and bow out even when you don’t particularly want to. You could be in the moment and feeling open, vulnerable and horny, but the smallest thought that questions 

Erectile dysfunction is not just an age-related issue. It relates to stress, to anxiety, sexual trauma, and even medication. If you’ve ever been on antidepressants or anxiety medication, you’ll know that being unable to get to orgasm or to maintain an erection are two of the most common side effects. If you’ve ever had to try working from home with kids around during a lockdown situation, you may know how difficult it is to maintain an erection due to stress. Guys, it’s not a big deal, though we know that it feels that way. Why isn’t it a big deal? Because there is a lot that you can do to help yourself.

Getting Your Groove On

If you’re struggling to get excited about – well, getting excited – then you need to start thinking about getting through all of these ways to help you to maintain your erection. Some of the best tips include:

  • Speak to your doctor. The first thing to do is to speak to your doctor about your lack of erection in the crucial moments of intimacy with your partner. They can help you to work out whether it’s stress related, medication related or a bigger issue at hand. They can also prescribe drugs like Sildenafil to help you to maintain an erection. You may not want to go on medication, but it can help you to rebuild your shattered confidence.
  • Meditation. If you’re getting into your own head during sex and psyching yourself out of being able to satisfy the person you’re with, then it can help to learn meditative techniques to enjoy yourself in the  moment instead of being filled with doubt about your ability to satisfy.
  • Therapy. Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? One of the worst things that you can do to yourself is believe that you should be emulating the characters in a pornographic movie. Sometimes, therapy can help you to talk through your worries and work on tools to get rid of your stress.
  • Everything but the kitchen sink. If the word “performance” alone makes you feel anxious, then communication with your partner is crucial. They won’t judge you, and they will likely have a lot of fun trying to help you to get over the finish line. There is so much more to sex and intimacy than the main event, so why not have some fun with everything but intercourse? There’s plenty of ways to enjoy time together in bed, and often it’s these that can help you to relax and just go with the flow. 

No matter what, the thing to remember is that what makes a man is the ability to seek help for a problem and be proud of himself for doing so.